Waking up at 3pm on the weekend

I have to start finding something to do on the weekends. This waking up at 3pm stuff has to end. The only problem is, I'm at a loss of what to do on the weekend. Unfortunately that fact hasnt changed. For the longest time I havent known what to do on the weekend here, aside from drinking, which tends to be a big waste of money. I think there must be something wrong with me. I cant seem to get excited about doing anything anymore. This really really sucks. Im not sure whats going through my head anymore. I was looking to meet a new girl, but now I just feel like everyone I meet is all wrong and I dont want anything to do with them. Maybe I'm going through depression from finally accepting that things are over for good with megumi. hah.. who am I kidding.. Thats a big part of it. 　Its so much easier being the one starting the break-up. If only... But hell why is this still bothering me??? It has been 7 Months!!! Its almost my birthday again. Unfortunately this birthday isnt gonig to be nearly as nice as last year.

Feeling inspired

I'm feeling quite inspired to write... To write a book.. Ok not a book, but I do plan to write a how-to about relationships in some attempt to help my friends and anyone avoid the mistakes I've made myself and to help them find the love of their life... I know.. this is reall mushy stuff for me.... But like I said I'm feeling inspired and feel like I've learned a lot about this topic over the last couple of years. The reasons are two fold. One to help others and two to help me see myself and focus on myself so I can accomplish what I want to in life. Ok maybe three fold.. Third being to expand myself and to help myself become a relationship expert so to speak. :P

So the first chapter is going to be about knowing what you want and knowing that you can get it. You have to think about the ideal qualities in a girl that you are looking for. I've found it best to think of people you've gotten along with really well and had a great connection and or chemistry with.. Of course if you've had a great relationship with someone but things didn't work out, try to understand why and look to see if you can improve something about yourself like communication.. Many times communication is a big problem, even if it seems you are both speaking the same language you may really not be. Men speak one language and women speak another. This is a large challenge that I will cover later. Another big problem is just simply not getting that life isn't always rosy and when things get tough you have to support each other. These are just a couple of examples of potential improvement points.

Try to imagine what this ideal person will be looking for in a mate. Can you be this person without having to put on a charade? If not you probably need to re-evaluate your ideal mate. If you can, try to make yourself as interesting and intriguing as possible.

Yikes.. It's late now.. More on this later. I can see this is going to be a challenge to write after all.. So many variables for different situations..

Day

You know my blog was once a joy of mine to post pictures and fun things that I'm doing. Sorry that it has become nothing more than a place for me to complain. I really want to travel, but going around alone seems too lonely these days. It's like nothing makes me happy right now. Maybe it's really worse right now because I just got a mistaken facebook tag requst from Megumi... Just seeing her name brought back so many thoughts and feelings.Why does this still bother me so much? What the hell is wrong with me? I can't wait to get over this, It's been 6 months and I'm still hurting... Why??? I've never been through anything like this before. Sure my frist girlfried I was upset for a while after we broke up, maybe like 3 month or something, but I got over it.. I realized how things were and whatnot. That it was impossible. But with this I don't have that kind of solid feeling.. I just know its over and I have to accept that, and I have. But it still hurts... Maybe it's a combination of things.. I lost my job that I loved, the girl I loved and I don't have a best friend around that I know will hang out with me and go places. BTY I have a job the just relocated me to a new school. My last school was like a big family. This seems more like a job than fun, because I'm busy most all of the time I'm at work.

It's amazing how you can have all the things in the world but without people you will never be happy. This is why I have always focused on having quality friends around me. Here that has proven challenging, but I do have some really great friends. The one thing I've never been able to get right is finding my other half. I meet so many girls that seem like they might be the one, but once I get to know them I realize its all wrong.

So I'll finish this on that note..
I think I'm looking for someone who is first of all, Kind and caring about people around them, isn't selfish, is very understanding and flexible, likes children, can be silly, not too serious, but hard working and knows when to be serious, likes comedy movies, enjoys the beach, likes to travel, loves family and friends, loves people in general. Likes to smile...

Anyhow... I think that's the outline of who I'm looking to meet. An almost impossible combination. Of course I'm not so picky that a girl has to meet this exactly. Just this is what I think is ideal..

Now off to try to meet some people somehow. My ideal girl isn't going to be sitting around my house today, well probably not then again who knows!

Fun things

I've really got to get out more and try to make myself have some fun.
It is a real challenge lately. Nobody has been around the house, and for some reason,
no matter what I do, I am just kind of so so. I met a girl, and she's really nice and kind, but somehow I just can't care about her. I feel like I can' t relate to her much and that she's just too young. Wow.. Never thought I'd say that. I guess I need to make it clear I'm not looking for a relationship. To be honest, I don't know what I'm looking for right now in life. I wish a miracle would come along, but I don't really expect that to happen. So what's gonna make things better? Go home? I'm not sure that's gonna help either. Somehow living here actually makes it difficult to relate to people from back home sometimes. Sometimes I say a word in Japanese because it is easier. Even with my parents it was difficult sometimes when they were here. But the opposite is true too. It is difficult to relate to Japanese that haven't been outside of Japan.
Things are complicated to say the least. I'm gonna go lay in the sun on the roof.

Life...

Lately I have been contemplating what to do so much. So many options in my life, but none of them seem like the right decision. I guess I'm still trying to figure out what to do after loosing megumi.. I try not to think about her, but so many things remind me. Everyone is just like "you can find another girlfriend." I know that's true. Actually I think that's really easy. The difficult part is that she was almost everything I was looking for. I never thought I'd meet someone like her. Now I'm not satisfied with someone who is less. Those are some big shoes to fill and I'm afraid that I'm expecting too much. Ahhh....

House Warming Party

My friend Yusuke moved to Ichikawa last week. This Saturday we went to his new place to have a party.. He bought pizza and I brought everything to make hamburgers. I went to Costco and bought a big thing of hamburger meat. It was a lot of fun.. We came back about 3am.. Anyhow. Heres some pictures.

Sitting in the car writing blogs

Yes of all places Im updating my blog from my car.. And Im parked just outside my house. Silly I know, but the seats are pretty comfortable and I can listen to the radio loud here too.. Unlike inside where I have to worry about pissing off my neighbors.

So I started working at a new school form 2 weeks ago. So far so good, but I feel like I lost a lot leaving my previous school. Those kids were my family and friends here. Why oh why did I have to move schools. I guess on the plus side there are some young teachers at my new school. Some are cute, but doesnt matter really. Most dont speak English so... Its a problem. The school lunch so far has been smaller too.. Im a little worreied Im gonna starve to death.. haha.

I recently met a realy nice girl that can speak English quite well... I was really excited to start with, but now I find myself not wanting to even talk to her. I feel like its not right and we dont have chemestry. And shes only 20 too so I feel like we think quite differntly.. Damn.. Im screwed up still. I think Im not gonna be satisfied until I find someonne else who I feel really connected with. Its probably going to be a long time before that happens again. I think this is the biggest challenge in my life right now. I went from feeling like I could get married to being alone.. Even after 6 months Im still struggling. I can honestly say I have never been through anything like this before.. I guess I was never really in love before.

Im making my plans to go home for summer.. I have like 6 weeks vacation coming my way. I plan to spend a large part of that time in Florida and possibly the Bahamas. Im excited!! It has been too long since I have been home. Im starting to wonder why Im still here in Japan. I really dont know what to do anymore. I enjoy life here, but its lonely without a best friend or girlfriend... Dont misunderstand me.. Its easy to get a GF but hard to find one I will be happy with.

What else... Hmm.. I want to buy a new CD player for my car, but really have to watch my budget this month.. So I guess that has to wait. I finally bought a parking space for $105/month.. Yikes.. And thats cheap considering where it is.. My friend pays about $150.
I just consider it part of my rent which is $550/mo including, utilities and fiber optic internet. so not too bad..

Parents

My parents came to visit me durring spring break! It was so fun. We traveled all around here from chiba to tokyo to kyoto to hiroshima. It was awesome! They got to meet lots of my friends too. I wish they could have stayed longer, but it was still great

Costume Party Night

I was a pirate again. Thats the only cosutme I have... But nobody here has seen it before, so its all good.. Haha..

Current Events. And forgotten pictures..

Funny sign language

My last day at Ninomya Middle School.. I miss my fun times there.



The school Lunch.. Quite tasty actually.. So far my new school isn't quite so good.